A Sandburg staffer reported Wednesday (last day of school) that box lunches were brought in for staff. Stan Mack showed up and took the principal’s box lunch (clearly marked with the principal’s name). When the principal hinted with humor about his missing lunch, Mack continued eating without acknowledging (or apologizing for) his actions.
As a public service to those who might dine with Mack in the future, we consulted “WikiHow,” where they provide tips on stopping people from stealing your lunch at school. Here are a few:
- Try hiding your lunch in a classmate’s gym bag. This may backfire when everyone else finds out.
- Keep your lunch in your backpack. Learn to love squashed food.
- Get a combination lock.
- Add some nasty ingredients to the food. This will, of course, render it useless and at the same time teach people a lesson (roach livers would be nice).
- Depending on how much of a sadist you are, upon discovering it missing, say that you have a medical condition, then use the placebo effect as you faint, have a seizure, or even use it as an excuse to skip school/work due to your “condition.”
We’re quite confident that these tips won’t be necessary when Dr. Sicoli visits a school.
281 Exposed 
June 5, 2009 at 10:22 pm |
For the record Stan did find out that he accidently grabbed Tom’s lunch and Stan gave him a gift certificate because he felt bad. So everyone feel free to move on to real news.
DJ
June 6, 2009 at 2:55 pm |
Thanks for the update, DJ and we’re glad that Mr. Mack made up for the lunch grab. This post was in jest, and be assured we will be moving on to real news: such as classroom shortage, teacher contracts and insurance, and school board openings coming up this fall.